Trick Or Treat
by aolurker
Summary: Halloween themed Rizzoli & Isles / SVU crossover, AU (sort of) set in high school (no, not really, just sort of really), and total CRACKFIC. Like, the strangest thing I've ever written. And absolutely not meant to be taken seriously AT ALL. It's all in good trick or treat fun. :) M for language only (don't say I didn't warn you)


**Title:** Trick or Treat  
**Fandom: ** Rizzoli & Isles / SVU crossover, AU (sort of) set in high school (no, not really, well... no, only kind of but not really), and total CRACKFIC  
**Rating:** M (for language only, don't say I didn't warn you), and C for CRACKFIC  
**Notes:** Did I mention this was crackfic? Like the strangest thing I've ever written. And absolutely not meant to be taken seriously AT ALL. It's all in good trick or treat fun. :)  
**Notes 2:** written for a Halloween challenge on Tumblr.  
**Notes 3:** Now I need to go write some M that is NOT M for language only fic! lol

* * *

**Trick or Treat**

While some decorum had to be maintained, the detectives of the unknown precinct, homicide / drug / division of the BPD were allowed some leeway to have fun on Halloween and dress up a little bit. So everyone was having a good time, chatting with each other and admiring each other's various costumes.

But the chit chat same to a silent halt when Maura and Jane walked into the squad room and quickly gained everyone's attention.

Because, well, there was just something intriguing about this. They looked like them. But they also looked different. So they were the same… but different.

See, Jane, well Jane was dressed simply in jeans, a white t-shirt, and an open letter jacket (yes, letter, not leather) with a basketball stitched on under the B. A backpack was slung over her shoulder and she just had this aura of 'cool' and 'confident' and 'popular'. But it was Maura's outfit that truly had people staring. Knee length skirt, knee high socks, loafers, and a sweater (a sweater that was probably tighter than it really should have been… no, a sweater that was definitely tighter than it really should have been). Her hair was in pigtails – pigtails! – and she was wearing the most adorable (and, let's be honest, sexy) glasses. To finish off the look, she was carrying a stack of books demurely in her arms.

It was Korsak who finally spoke, "Um... you guys are…?"

Frankie crossed his arms, he not only knew this look on his sister, he *remembered* it. "They're high-schoolers," he answered Korsak's question.

"Close," Jane smiled and looked at Maura, but she was careful not to look at her too long or too longingly lest the other kids on the team think she was going soft for the geeky girl from math class.

Frankie tried again. "Okay, so then you're high-school stereotypes? Like, the jock and the nerd?" the younger Rizzoli gestured to Jane and Maura in turn.

Jane smirked and hooked one thumb under the strap of her backpack and her other thumb in the waistband of her jeans, "Closer…"

Everyone just looked on, Frost finally saying from his desk, "We give up already! Come on, tells us what you're dressed as."

"We're dressed as…"

"BRRRRIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGG"

Everyone turned to see the source of the sound: it was Suzie Chang.

Everyone's faces – everyone's except Jane and Maura that is – then took on an expression that could only be described as "WTF?" as they watched Suzie run in one door, through the squad room, and out the other door, all the while making that god awful loud bell-ringing sound.

When Suzie had departed and her voice faded down the hall, Jane just shrugged and said, "Saved by the bell. Sorry, gotta get to class." The two women then turned and left the squad room, leaving everyone else exceedingly confused but with little choice but to get back to work with a shrug.

* * *

Fifty minutes later, everyone in the squad room looked up and happily put their work aside again as Jane and Maura returned from who knows where? They entered the squad room much as they had nearly an hour earlier, Jane head up, all confidence, nodding hello to various people. Maura, head down, acting rather shy.

Frost came around to the front of his desk and sat on the front corner of it, quickly resuming their previous conversation. "So, you two were just about to tell us what you were dressed as," Frost prompted, "Before Suzie… before Suzie… yeah, what was up with Suzie, by the way?"

"She's the bell," Maura answered.

"The bell?"

"Yes, she's the bell that rings that tells us class is starting. She's also the public announcement system as we'll find out later. In any case, it allows her to interrupted this fic at the most inopportune times. Clever, no?" Maura beamed at this reveal.

But she was the only one beaming. Everyone else just stared, Maura's explanation obviously only making things less clear rather than more clear..

Finally Jane took pity on them. "Look, guys, everything makes sense, really. See, we're dressed as an AU Rizzles fanfic set in High School," she explained.

"A what?" Cavanaugh, who happened to have just walked into the room at that moment, asked.

Jane stood up a little straighter, "Um, we're dressed to impress and dressed for success, both on and off the court, Coach Cavanaugh!" she replied in a staccato and well-drilled fashion.

Her RL boss / AU coach just looked at her a moment then put his hands up, muttering, "Never mind, I don't want to know," as he left the room, "You kids get to class though, okay?"

"Sure thing, Coach!" Jane yelled after him then breathed a sigh of relief. She loved her coach and all, but she really just wanted to hang out with her friends right now without a boring adult around.

Korsak looked at Jane shocked, "Did you just call him coach? Did he just call us kids? What is going on?!"

"I told you," Jane replied, "We're dressed as an AU Rizzles fanfic set in High School and you're all in that AU fic with us."

"I have no idea what you just said," Korsak replied.

Jane took a deep breath and tried not to sound too exasperated. "We're a fanfiction, Korsak. But we're an AU – Alternate Universe – set in High School. And we're Rizzles, meaning, well, meaning it's about me and Maura as a, uh," Jane shuffled a little uncomfortably then before lifting her chin and concluding, "As a couple."

Maura hoped no one would notice the pleasant flush in her face Jane's sideways stolen look at her and Jane's mention of them as a couple caused in her so to distract everyone (including herself) she began to ramble, "See, Mr. Korsak, fanfiction is a fascinating sociological phenomena and is really just a subset of an even larger phenomena known as 'fandom'. And within fanfiction there is a genre called 'AU'. Ironically, if you really think about it, *all* fanfiction is AU since it generally diverges from the cannon – the 'universe' if you will – of the show, movie, books, or other art from which the fanfiction is derived."

Everyone just blinked at Maura and wondered if they were supposed to have understood anything that she'd just said, then turned their attention back to Jane.

"Wait… we're in a fanfiction?! RAD! Is it gonna be rated M?! Cuz, you know, you guys would be HOT. I mean HOT!"

Everyone turned to see who had asked that question.

It was Giovanni.

Of course.

The one character who is exactly the same in the high school and cannon universe.

"Giovanni, how did you get in here?" Jane looked at him annoyed.

"What do you mean 'how did I get in here'?" he asked, "I go to school here. This fic is an AU highschool fic, right? So here I am!"

"Oh, right," Jane muttered.

"Well, so is it rated M?" Giovanni asked again, "Huh? Huh?" Giovanni waggled his eyebrows (good-naturedly and a little adorably, really)

Jane rolled her eyes.

Maura looked confused, "Rated 'M'?"

Frost, realizing poor Maura didn't realize that she could change the default filter to something more than 'T', leaned over and explained, hoping Maura would understand, "M for, you know, _Mature_."

"Oh," Maura considered this explanation. But her next words to their fellow student indicated she clearly didn't understand, "Of course it's not going to be Mature, Giovanni. We're set in high school, remember? So we're teenagers and, by definition, not entirely mature. Did you know that the human brain continues to change – to mature – well into your early 20's?"

"That's not really the kind of 'mature' he was really talking about, Maur," Jane said as she adjusted her backpack on her shoulder.

"No?" Maura looked at Jane questioningly.

Jane shook her head at her… girlfriend? Friend? The girl who was tutoring her? Jane couldn't remember what stage of their relationship they were at in the alternate universe of this fic. Regardless, Jane shook her head at Maura, "No." she repeated then explained bluntly, "He means is there going to be sex."

"Oh." Maura said again… "Ooooooh." She then said once more as she finally realized the full implication of Giovanni's question. She looked at Jane bashfully like a good introverted girl should (but also hopefully, again like a good introverted girl should). "Oh!" she then said sharply, turning a pointed and slightly disturbed expression at Giovanni as another implication of the question struck her – Giovanni had asked it hopefully. Which meant he was hoping to see…to read…about her and Jane…

"Hey," the teenaged Giovanni held his hands up in a defensive 'I only asked what everyone else was also thinking' expression. "So?" he then again asked, looking at Jane.

Jane took a deep breath, ready to answer his question, "…"

"BRRRRIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGG"

"Dang nabit!" Korsak said, "Every time things get interesting, Suzie runs in, I mean the bell rings!" Everyone shuffled back to their own rooms or back to their desks to work for an hour, "Rather annoying Suzie Bell is," Korsak muttered as he picked up some book reports to read.

(Off in the corner, the Rizzles fandom muttered back, "You have no idea.")

* * *

Fifty minutes later everyone once again gathered in the squad room. "Well?! Is it rated M or not?!" pretty much everyone reading asked at once.

Jane looked at Maura. Maura looked at Jane. They smiled at each other sweetly. Then Jane turned back to the assembled crowd and said:

"Fucking asswipe son of a shit-eating nut-sucking cockhole bastard."

Everyone's mouth just dropped open.

Except Maura's, because she was using her mouth, of course, to scold Jane with a, "Jane! Language!"

Everyone else just continued to stare.

"Do you need me to say it again?" Jane finally asked.

"No!" Korsak sputtered, "But why did you say it in the first place?"

"Because Maura's a genius. Even though they're both high school seniors, she's only 15."

Everyone turned to look towards the completely unfamiliar voice.

The young man slouched in a desk off to the side shrugged at all the attention, "Don't look at me, I just know stuff."

"Aren't you in the wrong AU high school that looks like a police precinct, Tutuola?" Jane crossed her arms at the interloper.

Fin opened his mouth to respond when Suzie Bell entered.

But Frankie stepped in front of her. "No! Absolutely not! We are not interrupting this story again!" Frankie said to her sternly.

Suzie Bell looked slightly hurt then just said, "I wasn't going to ring the bell, I was just going to make the announcement that this was now a cross-over fic."

"Oh my god," Korsak threw his hands up. Because, honestly, these people were speaking in a language he just didn't understand.

Maura cocked her head to the side and directed her question to Suzie Bell "I suppose one supporting character from a different fictional universe making a brief appearance in a fanfiction might technically make that fanfiction a crossover. However, the research I'm doing for my social studies term paper indicates that most crossovers bring the two universes together in a much more intricate fashion than that."

"That's where I come in," yet another unfamiliar voice sounded from the other side of the room.

All eyes now swung in that direction.

When she had everyone's attention, command of the entire room, much like she would in any universe in which she appeared, the young woman who had just walked into this fic announced, "I'm Alex Cabot, Assistant District Attorney from New York City. I'm here to extradite your prisoner back to New York. And while I'm here," she turned her attention to Jane, "I just might put the moves on you so as to make Maura jealous enough to finally admit her feelings for you."

No one knew what the heck was going on so they just continued to stare at her, hoping she might say something else.

Alex looked around in the silence, beginning to feel a little awkward. "What?" she finally asked.

"Um," Jane cleared her throat, "I think you're in the wrong fic… we're set in high school, so… we don't really have any prisoners yet or anything like that."

Alex looked around again and frowned then turned her attention back to Jane, "But this *looks* like a police precinct, not a high school."

Jane took a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair, "You want to answer that one?" she hoped Maura could explain.

Maura gave Jane a small nod and smile that said, 'Yes, I got this, dear.' "While it all seems a bit confusing," she said reasonably to Alex, "It's really quite straight forward. You see, for Halloween, Jane and I came to work as an AU Rizzles fic set in high school. So… we're here at work at BPD, but dressed as this fic you see all around you," Maura gestured to the room and universe in general. "So to fit in to our fic," she continued, "That is, to even appear on this page, you have to be part of the alternate universe we're in. Thus you have to be in high school."

When Alex just stared at Maura somewhat blankly but didn't say anything, Maura reverted to what she knew would work, "It has to do with string theory and quantum mechanics and Schrodinger's cat and, of course, the Heisenberg uncertainty principle. If I had a chalk board I could write a few equations out…"

"No, no, I think I understand," Alex bluffed, and did some quick on her feet thinking, deftly changing her story, "In that case, I'm a well-to-do but friendly and nerdy new transfer student that joined the chess club and was befriended by you, Maura, which in turn, will make Jane jealous enough to finally admit her feelings for you."

Maura beamed at this new twist in the story, "I love well-to-do but friendly and nerdy new transfer students that join the chess club and I get to befriend!"

"That's a pretty complicated backstory, there counselor," Jane said dryly.

"I'm not a counselor… yet," Alex said back but then looked over at Maura and smiled sweetly, "Pawn to D4," she whispered.

Maura raised her eyebrow, clearly intrigued by this blonde newcomer's opening move.

"Hey!" Jane interrupted, the jealousy angle already clearly working, "I know how to play chess, too, you know!"

Alex was just about to respond when Frankie interrupted, "Wait, before Suzie Bell runs through here again, forcing us all to go back to class for an hour, are you ever going to explain to us why you swore up a blue streak back there?"

Jane shrugged, "Fin had it right," the lanky varsity basketball player who would grow up to be a homicide detective gestured at the secondary character. "Maura's only 15 in this fic."

"And?" Frankie prompted.

"And so the author decided she had to find a *different* reason to make it M other than the reason you all were hoping for. She chose language."

"Wait, you mean there isn't going to be any sex?!" Giovanni was clearly not happy about this development.

"Sorry, G," Jane said, "Think of this fic as a trick rather than a treat."

"Damn!" Giovanni put his hands on his hips and looked at the ground disappointed. "Well then, could you, you know at least, swear again? Because I mean," he broke out into that half-smile of his, "That was HOT!"

Jane smiled at the guy. He was a lug, but he was a loveable one and she had a soft spot for him. "Sure, G." She took a deep breath and began, "Fu…"

"BRRRRIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGG"


End file.
